Crapping but Defending

I never really knew how to live my life. Some says I go with the flow but I really don't. Sometimes I wonder if people really look at the world through the same window as I do. Like when you see a red colour do you see a green but you register it as red? I'm not making any sense I know, but that's what I mean. I love happy endings though there's none in life. I have a problem of reading a book halfway and skipping it to the few pages before the story ends just to check whether it ends happily. The truth is I would like to be prepare. If it ends sadly I can prepare myself, if it ends happily I can feel safe and secure. You see what I mean? I bake or cook when I'm stress but don't see myself as a chef. I'm very modern and at times people say I would love to know how does being in love feels like but I say I would love to know how feeling broken up does? I'm a sulker for music but I can't stand heavy metal where people screams ! People tell me to forget him because he uses me but I stayed friends because I feel like it's the right thing to do and his not to blame I am in the first place. You see? I'm complicated. (lol)
I can see a leaf falling and instantly I get scenes in my head. I can hear a certain music and instantly I see the flashing images. It's odd sometimes but at times those scenes are what is memorable to me. It is what makes me happy.
Well whatever it is this is me. This is me crapping at 1.14 in the morning.