How do you stop your heart from falling in love with someone. How do you do that?? I am thinking all of this at 1.28a.m . It sounds crazy but I just thought I had to blog it. It feels like a rebound but than again neither of them have feelings for me so how do I get over this feeling..??
Time Fly To the Best of Life.
You know when people say "Cherish your life, cherish your friends and family and cherish times of being young", you should do that. Being young comes once in a lifetime and once it's gone there's no coming back from all of it. You gotta do what you gotta do and fight the fights that comes to you. I'm glad I did it, I'm glad that even though I was not popular or in everybody's good list in school, I'm glad that I have created memories with my friends that I'm able to cherish this moment.
For every hard things that I had to go through, I can sit here today and think back with a smile on my face of the memories that I got from my past. Memories like for my 17th birthday, I got my heart broken but when I entered the library for my meeting with my librarian mates, I found something I'm glad to have. I don't need big presents to make me smile, I don't need someone to throw me a big party, having them there singing a Happy Birthday song to me was more than enough to make me so happy. I can smile because I know that's the best birthday present ever that I received that day. Furthermore, a day after my birthday my friend threw me a surprise birthday party at the park. I felt so happy that I couldn't really express them in words. On my 16th birthday, I fell sick and wasn't able to go to school. It felt like no one, as in no one remembered my birthday. That evening around 3 in the afternoon I received a call from someone I never expected to receive. My friend Emma who was in boarding school, manage to find time in the busy schedule that was set up for her to call me and wish me happy birthday. On the day I was admitted in the hospital my friend, Emma was suppose to head to her boarding school but she delayed her trip and went to visit me first in the hospital before she left.
It's not the things you get for people that matters the most, it's the thought that you remembered them is a huge deal. I remembered the day when my friend came to my house when I was down. I didn't need to tell her but she knew that she needed to be there for me. She calls me her hero but I call her the best friend a person could ever have. We never knew we were going to be close but honestly we fought so bad when we were 13 that looking back at the memories we wonder how childish our minds were. We were what they call young minds. young adults and teenagers.
I'm glad that I manage to change my mind in time to appreciate everything in time. I'm glad that I didn't let myself be a fool as to not enjoy myself in high school or I would have regretted it today. I did enjoy every second of it, the good, the bad, the drama, and even the chaotic puppy love that goes around. Believe me, that at the end of the day everything will matter but in a very good way in the future. If you're in high school, I suggest you do your best. Venture yourself into something you never thought you would. Join the clubs, be the student body community, maybe an athlete. Do something that will give you a challenge, something that makes you face your fear. I don't mean it like drugs, drinks, and sex because that is something that will surely ruin you but in something that is healthy. I face my fear in joining the library community and I regretted it at first but you know what, I don't regret it anymore because I achieved everything I never thought I would. You know why? I got to be on stage more times than I thought I would be, having friends that were precious to me, learning a new thing like survival, and the best of all get your picture taken with the best people that you have shared your memory with. That picture will be remembered and when you look back you would think of the best things that happen there. Even the worst things would turn to the funniest things.
Now, I'm going to be 18 and a new chapter in my life will start soon. I'm going to college soon well university soon. There, I know I gotta learn new things, handle things, stand on my own feet and try my best. So maybe I will learn new things there, more survival kit needed and more things to settle with. Like I said you gotta fight the fights. There's no turning back here, you are out of school and it's a scary place to be in. The road diverts to many and it's whether you choose the right one or not. In 5 years time or 3 years time after I receive my diploma and degree and I'll tell you how I feel. How I look back? I'm guessing or I'm hoping I can help you all. Anyway good luck in your life. Signing off is you'll soon know. ;P
p/s: Hold on to this poem if you find yourself lost. It always helps me and I never regret following it. Ida Scott Taylor once wrote "Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering"
Lost, Fear and Scared
I see leaves flying above the air together. I see the sun shinning so bright lighting the skies in caribbean blue. I see a little girl dressed in pink and she was dancing around with no worries. I closed my eyes and breathe in the soft warm air that surrounded me. I was five again, where nothing was too hard to handle, problems was as easy as to reach things or climb the stairs. Tears filled my eyes, the world was a less fearful place to be in. The world was much simpler than. The world was considered safe with no worries. Probably because the worries and fears were carried by my parents, my older sibling or by others.
I cry, because I miss those years and those moments. The moment I felt bliss because I didn't have to go through a single problem. I cry inside. Nowadays when darkness approaches I thought to myself alone in sadness. Where am I? Where will I be in the coming years to come? Where was I before? The day was coming to an end and the sun began to set. I see beautiful colours in the sky ! They call it Twilight, beautiful that words cannot describe. Are you scared? The change of the weather, the world, the mentality? Cruelty that affects people, lost children, lost soul, lost lives, and lost hope. Life is so short, death surrounds you without you even noticing it. You could get a call saying he or she passed away and you're heart stopped beating for awhile. Everything began to drown in you.
I walked down this beach as dawn approaches. A new day has begun for me and I began to fear the new day. So scared of the future. I tried to grasp in everything that was around me. The sound of the sea, the feel of the sand against my feet, the cool morning breeze that send chills to my body. In my heart I asked god, whether I can go through this or not? The journey is still long but I fear of it a lot. Will I make it?
"Inspired by The Lovey Bones and the soundtrack"
