It was a crazy last minute idea that came to our minds during study week. We were all suppose to be studying but unfortunately, knowing young minds and between pleasure and priority, we tend to choose pleasure. So we all decided to just checked out the city of lights near my place. It was a dream world, like fun fair and also partly maybe a dream. We took some pictures as memories of our time there. The sweet memory that will forever live in my mind with my 3 close friends. Here are some pictures to give you an outlook of how we spend our time there.
Night of Lights
In Love So Deep
I wish sometimes that, there are ways, the images and clips than runs through my head can be downloaded into this laptop and create a movie from it. Honestly, I'm getting all this creative ideas in my head and I wish you can watch it but unfortunately I can only write it to you.
I woke up that first morning from the knock on my room. I crept out of the comfortable bed to checked who was it. The first person and also the last person I wish to see in the morning. There he was smiling at me, that smile that I used to struggle to see him wear them, but recently, I see more and more of it. With my morning voice I asked him of his reason to bug my sleep at ten o'clock in the morning. All he could answer was," it's almost afternoon and you should wake up soon" , at the same time he pushed my forehead with his finger, a soft push that made me pout my lips and mumbling about him destroying my dream. The dream was an absolute perfect dream since it involved Johnny Depp. All he could do was let out a small laugh and smiled at me. There was a rush that ran through my veins, and for awhile I thought I had blushed in front of him.
- Also a draft...
Searching For A Story
I've travelled to so many places and search for something that was worth writing. Hence I'm trying my luck at my grandma's house and see whether I can find a story that will spark the hope out of me again. Maybe a simple thing like the sound of my grandmother walking in the morning or maybe the smell of sweet grass. All I know, I need to write something that has been missing from me in awhile for so long.
There are times or should I say rare weird times that my head just talks to me( in a good way ) about simple stuff, like the passing trees as we drove to my grandma's or maybe the journey itself, the shape of the cloud and the little memories you go through when you were small. Example, on the way to my grandma's, we have to pass a lot, full of tractors, and when I was small I used to say that all of those tractors belongs to my brother. That was because he owned one, the toy version of course when we were small and I destroyed it ( I was five by the way ) and my mum would agree with me. Though now, it's obvious my brother doesn't own all the tractors that was there. Than there were also little temples along the road that we see every single time we came to visit our grandma, but our aunts and mother never really called them temple, hence, they say the dwarfs live there so we won't ask many questions. The temple was and still is cute and pretty till this day. We still talk of it till this day and laugh out of our stupidity. One last thought that always goes through my mind would be a little secret that nobody knew. When I was little, I would sit on my mum's lap or sometime lay and look out the window. I would always see clouds looking like elephants, horses, the waves and so many other things and make up stories from all those creatures that I see in the clouds. It was fun and till this day I still do that on rare occasions.
I guess if my younger self could see me now, she would freak out. I'm nothing to what I expected to be when I was young. Yet I know, after awhile of digesting all the thoughts and accepting the fact she would be this person she is now, she would not change a thing. I was that little girl who was oblivious and ignorant towards the world ( still is according to some *sigh* ) and after going through some phases, I am still learning. I guess that's why, when my friend asked me, if there was one day I could relive again in the past, one mistake that I could take back, would I ? and Which day would that be? I told her, I wouldn't, because if I didn't do all of those mistakes, I won't be this girl I am today. I make mistakes because I'm a normal human being and that's my saving grace. Human beings are not perfect but I am perfect at being a normal human being. I am perfect at being myself and not others. You are perfect at being yourself and not others.
Cry, Pain, but Soon I'll See, Maybe...
The clouds are hovering around the moon so close that I can barely breathe. There may be days that the moon needs the clouds to make it feel warm, but too much of it just spoils the whole thing. In certain pictures, the moon may feel flattered with the presence of the clouds, and that every other stars are envious of the beautiful moon. So they shine so bright in hope to bring the moon down, for being so big, so round, and full of flaws. Yet many don't see in the silence of the moon, it's glow is the reason the stars can be seen at night. It's glow is the reason we watch the sky in the night.
I lay awake at night, thinking of the mistakes that I may have made in the past. Maybe I have, but I am human and that's my saving grace. I'm not perfect. But I try to move forward, I try to learn from my mistakes. I did everything within my ability to do great things in life. To make my life a nice one to live in. But as I pass through the days, slowly I realise that nothings no different. People don't try so why am I trying.
Let me cry in the darkness that I've hidden my other soul all this while. Let me place myself in that state of definition that is undefined in my own world. Let them seek me and learn that living a life is hard and having to seek the balance has been harder as you grow older. You can't satisfy anybody and at some points you hurt others for your safety or because to save yourself. Judge me all you want by how I write, but before that, do me a favor and tell me that the reasons I am scared of being around people is just because I am scared to know that the truth about that person, or maybe to get scared with that person.
Anger
Have you felt the anger that burns in your heart so badly that you scream inside. Even in the passing time of seconds, that anger just builds up inside of you that you can't dismiss easily. These couple of days, I have felt being used over and over again by the people around me and it hurts just to sit there and speak of nothing. I hate it that I give in to people so easily, to the person I love so easily and care so easily. It's like back when I was in primary school, it's like they want to be friends with me for money sake. The know I would feel sorry for them and give way. I hate it so much.. At the end of the day I feel angry towards myself for not restricting myself from saying yes or say it's okay I'll help. I hate it hate it.
