There is something over life that we question the possibilities if it comes true. What if things were different in certain aspects? I share this video because I understand and I wonder.
What if?
This Chapter
"The same very steps that I took everytime as I parked my car I thought. It was never a home it was just a house filled with fake memories, pretentious me, and the walls that stand were victims and witnesses of the pain and sins I've done. I played with my ring on my middle finger, a promise of four words I made to myself everyday when I wake up to believe in faith and destiny that dreams are goals one wishes to achieve as a route with the hope that is embedded in life even though things encourages us to give up and the love that supposedly keeps the world moving. The walk was heavy even for such a short distance as I finally reach the gate, rang the newly improved bell that is still new from the parts provided along with newly open residential area.
The door opens and soon the gate made the creak sound as it opens forward, stepping back to let it through, I entered the small space that was made and lead me into the small garage that is parked with two lavish cars. Symphony of waters and birds surrounded the garden of the house with the squealing and laughters of children from next door. He stood there and a side of me was kept neatly in the cupboard replaced with another of me when I'm with him, this side of me that was fearful, that was striving to be perfect, that was shielding her emotions which turned numb over the years, the person who he thought he knew but it was just a way to protect myself and my sanity that hopes to please him.
Never the less, the same conversation goes about, the same tactic was used, and the same answers were given along with the same gestures. My heart screams of telling the truth, my brain shut it out assuring that it was not the time. It was never a home, it was a place of prison, a place of control, a place where rules were rules not meant to be broke, it was a place full of lies and pretentious hoping to please one who does not deserve.
The same goodbye was said, the same feeling, the same thoughts came to mind, " I wish you knew who I really am, what I'm capable of, believe that I have as much talent as the ones you've place on a pedestal, petted their head and praises as if your own". Yet, a smile and the simple three words was said that was unsure that was a bullet shot three times for meaning it fully. Every drive back, I linger on the road, speeding through, hoping to leave the marks behind but the pitch black history of past will always haunt me and has been for days, weeks, years of my life."
- A story I wrote halfway as I listen to Broken Angel by Boyce Avenue.
