What Was The Journey About?

I am one who enjoys long hours drive but coming back to my hometown to pursue my education those long journey turns to seven minutes drive. That seven minutes to class was never a time to reminisce as I am one person who rushes to grab a parking lot that was limited every morning. However, those seven minutes drive back from class to home was considered short. As I ventured one foot into the world of what I have studied before, I have the luxury to be stuck in heavy traffic for about what was suppose to be 20 minutes drive now, turn into 45 minutes drive every morning and late evening due to the heavy traffic. Those waiting time in jams, considerably amount of cursing, and traffic lights comes and goes but the truth is I was being myself again. I am one who believes that life should not be wasted as you get one chance and one chance only. Wasting my life into something that kills your passion and altogether loose the little things that matter in life, was not what I considered to be what I wish for in my life. In my opinion it is like throwing yourself in a bon fire and waiting to be crippled into ashes before you realise what was burning you to drive harder and live made you less attentive to what was really around you. By the time the fire burns out, it was already too late and nothing could make you go back in time.

This made me rethink my choices, the ones that I strive so hard to make it every end of semesters. I was so sure of myself but that one foot I had placed was burning me out. Being an observer, I analyse things and I look at stuff in different perspective compared to others. I am intrigued by souls and personality and I find myself smiling across the table whenever I see a father and daughter time together on a date just the two of them. I am one who enjoys walking through the park simply talking about life with my partner. Almost three weeks into this world and I am already ill, and I know my body well, I am not one to get sick when I wanna fight for something that is worth it. I haven't even done much of the work and my body is slowly rebelling and that I know I need to put in serious consideration over my next step.

I had a dream, one that was considered crazy and stupid. My passion for music never seem to die and despite many times I wanted to give up my guitar classes, those 30 minutes I attended looking all tired and defeated from the office, I come out of that door a different person. Like a bird freed from a cage, I find myself singing to the radio and somewhat lighten up. Morning after morning, I hear the radio singing to me and all I could do was listen to the words as my mind wanders about further than from where I was stuck. I used to drive singing and wandering about back then but, this was different, this meant I had something missing, the things I was so sure about because it felt like the only solution that seem stable and practical as one has told me before.

The epiphany came when I saw J.K Rowling's life movie on Lifetime channel and I realised something. She had people believe in her and she did wrote a story because she liked them and as I sat there reminiscing the idea of choosing the route despite the hardship she faces it was then I understood. When I was 15 years old, I had a planner, that planner was not filled with homeworks or notes but instead a story. As the teacher teaches about something in front, I was busy writing the story that was in my head. In fact that story never reach an end, I wrote most of them in a pink a planner but then from time to time I write them on some blank piece of paper or another book that I could grab instantly. The story was unravelling before me like an image I was chasing and almost the same description J.K Rowling had described how he found Harry it was how I found my mediator, Samantha. That name still brings shiver upon me as she was the closest to me. That epiphany made me hated myself because I lost that part of me because I was too busy chasing what was suppose to be called life. In fact my diary was rarely updated because I found a living diary but I felt that part of me that was missing. From then on, J.K Rowling became one of my inspiration. She thought me to believe in myself and to charge through obstacles despite peoples criticising.

Suddenly this brought me back to one event that occurred not awhile back, an asshole of a classmate (I mean he really is because he thinks he is better than everybody else) asked my classmate at hearing distance upon looking at my dekstop wallpaper. I remember his words well enough "If a guy has a girl's wallpaper on their dekstop we understand that is the type of girl he wants, but what if it is a girl whom does that, what does that indicate?" instantly I knew where he was heading. I am not surprise because he thinks fat girl like me wouldn't have anybody and it made more perfect sense to presume I am a lesbian. At that point of moment he doesn't know I was in a relationship and nobody knew in fact besides my close friends because I don't pride around like a peacock announcing it either with PDA's and all. I turn around look at him straight in the eye with a simple answer " you wanna know why? The reason she is my wallpaper is because she is not just some celebrity who think her money is enough to last a lifetime and that education was not significant. She is a valedictorian, smart, has her own principles but admits she is human when she makes a mistake and fight for rights. I put her as my desktop not just to admire and be all dreamy hoping that if I put a guy as my dekstop that guy would be the kind of guy I end up with. She is an inspiration and I dream to become as courageous as her. My guy friend who he had whispered to smiled at me and he was left speechless. That moment it felt like I had gumption rising within me. Sadly those moments never last and as many of my posts it slips through my fingers because I was too busy chasing what people these days calls life.

Thus, those years of striving and studying what was the journey about exactly? That is my question every single morning to myself.

Writer's note
Honestly I never expect to write such a long post. It's been awhile though, I guess this medical clearance helped me quite a lot.