Birthday Wishes and Birthday Gifts , What Lies Behind This ,

Birthday is always filled with happy and fun stuff, yet it is not always as glorious as we always thought it would be, It's also the time we judge a person's kindness and true relationships. Some wishes you because it's the obvious thing to do, some wishes you because they want to, and some wishes you because they love you and many more other reasons. You think five years of celebrating birthday during my teenage years was fun ? YOu have no idea what I've been through. I have had the worst, the downs, the falls and many more things that causes me to cry and sob on my birthday. But one thing I never fail to realise, one thing at the end of the day, that I think god wants me to remember always and forever. It's family . The people that are times unbearable, sickening , annoying , disturbing , depressing and the people who brings joy, happiness , love , the best in you all the time.
I want so much to be excepted, to be the person that was appreciated on my birthday by my close friends but at the end of the day, it's not them that I'm suppose to feel excepted but it's from my family that was always there for me. I survive on my birthday is because of them.. for that I love you so much ! My family !.
I hoped to much today that I fell to hard on the ground when my expection was just empty hope that left me feeling foolish and stupid. There were wishes from my classmates, singing me a birthday song from my fellow librarians but the people I expect most to wish me at least, did nothing. Absolutely nothing. For that my heart crush to pieces.. All the times I tried so hard to make the best of your day and you crash mine like crushing an ant. For that I realise so many things today, things that I think should be taken to the future.
Remember all the things we've been through, remember the times we shared, it's nothing but the passing time, so you left me on the day that was suppose to be wonderful, you left me hoping for something that will never come true. Now I'm moving on, I'm going to be strong, I'm going to lead , take another road instead. I got an advice from somewhere that on my birthday you will learn to grow up, you will realise that life is not a full blossom world as you grow up. I'm seventeen and I'm mature I think, I 've been through so many things that brought me here today. I learn something that is something I take for granted, that is family is the people who always stand by your side and when they leave you, thats the time you life crushes so hard that you might never get up again.
Friends, Izzah, Afiqah and Emma . You three are never perfect. But perfection is not what I seek in friendship. Everybody has their on weakness, that's human, but you tried to be there for me and I love you so much. Realise the times I needed you to be there, the times I want to feel appreciated, the times that I did something just to make you happy ( I think ) lol.
Izzah, we may fight, quarrels, but we're like sisters and we don't always go with the flow. Sometimes things like that is what makes us bestfriend. Weird kind of bestfriends considering our differences at times. But AMAZINGLY we manage to put ourselves on the same level, same pace, push back our egos. Our history of friendship is something I'll never forget. Sometimes you make mistakes that I can't even tolerate but you're growing up, but if I can do anything to protect you from the mistakes I would but I know I must realise that I can't stop you from making the mistakes , I can only protect you. But I love you so much ! Sister ! Phoebe !
Emma, we have lots of differents, we had a lot of fights, but it amazing how we can be so close now. You of all the person are the least person I thought would be there for me. You seem to see through me and you don't judge me for what I have but for who I am. YOu make me feel free, you don't care if I scream, I shout, I go mad, I'm happy and when I'm hysterically mad. At the end of the day we always laugh at our stupidity. Having you to take the trouble to wish me on my birthday while you're away in boarding school means so much that not many people understand. This is when I say actions speak louder than words because you're action shows that you're a true friend. I am greatful to have a friend like you.
Afiqah, the silent girl , hides her true feelings, feels awkward to let it out, but when she does, she suprises people . Sharing my secrets with you always feel safe because you don't share them with anyone else but yourself. You're scared but at times you just want to burst out laughing like mad people when you're happy. You never approach people when they are sad, instead you sit there just to lend your shoulder. You appreciate people in the silent, you stand there just to watch the people. For the two years Emma has been away, you took her place in feeling the void. You may not be her, but you tried. For that I thank you a lot.
I know I have talked about my family and what does birthday wishes and birthday gift and what lies behind this. There's something special I think I should mention. Her name is Nur Aslina, my one special cousin that has always try to be there. She may not be perfect, but her imperfections are the things that make her perfect. She may shower with gifts or take me out, but her presence at the times I need her so much means so much to me. I love you so much. I except you for who you are. Regardless on how you look, how silly you can be, how gangster you can turn to sometime, and how heroic you can be sometimes. I wrote this specially because you never let me down. There are times you let me down, but human beings are not perfect and I don't always confide to you, but most of the time you were there to cheer me up, and put a smile on my face. I love you so much Kak Nur !
My family, Jamaiyah ( Mother), Norashikin ( Sister ), Syahrir ( Brother ). Sometimes I cry is not because I'm sad. Sometimes it's recognition, sometimes it's the ephiphany and sometimes maybe I'm just sad that i'll get over it by crying. Did you know my teacher told me that women dies late because they cry their heart out to feel relief. Anyway I love you so much even though I fight with you, I get sick of you, I say I hate you, but you are always my number one priority (insyaallah ) . God I don't know how to explain how much I love you. Thank you for choosing me to be your family.
Thanks for an amazing family members, my cousins, close friends. Thank you all of you for the wishes.
So what lies behind all of this. It's recognition of a new life, a new me, a moving on me, a me that is going to try to move forward and help others that are in need of my help. I'm going to achieve my dreams, I'm going to face my fears and take my chances even when there's risk. The more birthday wishes the more I realise I'm lucky at time, the more birthday gifts, the more I realise how I've changed over the years, what lies behind this, is something more than we can sometime understand.

(Sorry for my terabur isi hahaha... I write what comes into head and according to the music I'm listening to hahaha... but I hope you get the message. I think I might have some grammar mistakes but I don't bother recheck my work here. lol. So kak nur. no commenting on my grammar mistake hehehe..Thank you for the wishes ya'll )