The Darkness of The Day.

It's 1.39 in the morning... nothings awake around in this time. After all the years.. pretending had been part of my life that I have forgotten I was even pretending. One point it became part of your blood part of you life. These smile... they are fake... these laugh they just never stay and those years i used to look up to you.. was all a mistake.
Now look me in the eyes.. tell me straight you hate me and throw me... tell me as you look deep in my eye and tell me what you see. All those years. hah ! The secrets has finally come out and the lies are floating on the wide ocean . Hah ! you could have never read me well.. you of all people. Even those people who consider themselves close to me couldn't read what lies behind these eyes.. what more you ? You know those memories they play in my head every single year. My eyes watch it over and over again as the hours past by. These tears they'll never see... never taste it... never felt it... the bitter.. salty.. that suits the memories so well.. I HATE YOU !
You're heart feels like it was crush.. hit by people so many times. At times you feel like you're suffocating you can't barely breath in these ocean of lies you've built for me over the years that i didn't see. I grew up believing.. living in this life that was a charade all the while. hah ! I guess we were pretending all these while were we ? It was not just a few years it was all those years. Hah ! I wish I could curse you now.. my heart is but it's dead already. For you obviously. I couldn't reach for that door that open up to you. I guess I locked them and throw the key away. Anger fills it ... hatred... no love.. YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE. I'M BEGINNING TO THINK IT'S S***. I HATE YOU! every single time my heart aches... and it has become worst.. as the years and hours pass by. The conversation the voices that haunts me in the night. Everybody... those memories.. the voices from the conversation.
In the end this is what the girl you thought was going up to be sweet and innocent has turn into a rebellious ,angry ,strong , and hard headed girl. You got a problem with that. I dress in black when I'm piss off and when i think that,s my mood. Either piss off, dark aura or maybe just wanna be bad. Why my eyes are always dark eyes shadows because I want you to see that I'm not the mess kindda girl... and there's darkness within me. but the rest of my face are totally light coloured to show that I can be lenient and young.. if you treat me right. Nobody knows that for one person. If she remembers .
Now it's 2.04A.M my head is still running. Tell me something.. is there something i DON'T KNOW ! That somebody hasn't told me the truth about you ? I bet there's more. The clouds are getting darker... the lies are floating on the ocean... the wind is blowing hard .. better start telling if you don't want them to end. Shuush.... let the silence feel you.. maybe than you know... listen.... listen...
Shuuush.... listen I hear a voice...but it was not your voice... it was a song with music. Every single note reflects my feeling and every word is the answer for me. The answer I needed for the question. Where were you ? Where? Everytime I write.. music is a huge part of it.. because I can never thank them enough for helping me. Do you listen to the words..hmph you only know how to talk and talk you even when you're old. Do you listen to yourself talk and talk , You're cruel... so cruel don't you see. Don't you see the pain you cost. The pain that wouldn't exist you know why? But we're here already right? why bother? I never tell you these.. but I want to become a musician. Get to know me better through there, It ain't because of the glamour. Is the message I want to send to people like me to be strong. Share my experience. You think creative brings no luck to your truck? Well it gives answers to people who need it live their lives. Academics ? I'm not that kindda girl. I feel in love with singing since small... with music since ten and determine to make it a dream when I was 14. Thanks to you though..( Smirk face) I wish you could see my reaction as I write these words... as my fingers dance on the keyboard.
Even if I see you... I would say thanks for the memories the game of charade.

"I remembered the days,
I just wished you stay,
now there nothing to say,
you left you choosed you're on way,

Memories they fade,
but we get afraid,
when everything change,
because it feels strange,

I'm running away from this place,
I'm changing the state of life,
I want to be in a high place,
I'm moving on from this mess you've left,

Thoughts of you they need to vanish,
moving on is the best thing I have,
if i stay they will perish,
pieces of love that has already drifted away,

Stay away, stay away,
You're all behind me,
far away, far away,
never come back to me,

What's said is done,
what left is gone,
in the end i'm back alone,
so don't bother to come back home,

like i said i used to wish,
you would come back and never say goodbye,

take me away,
I wish softly in this state,
there's nothing to say or save,
everything is gone anyway."
© S.S , 2009