It's normal that isolation happens in our everyday life and all of us overlooked them very often. We don't realise whenever the time we tend to just criticise people out of the blue for all the wrong reasons. As a girl growing up, I was never the popular girl but often the loner or the girl who got bullied. However, I'm surprised that I manage to surpass myself from all those fears and bullying that was going on in my life. No doubt, it was the hardest moment in life, and if you've got the chance to actually talk to my mum, she would tell you the many times I cried when I was young and the time I hid myself in the room hoping to cope all of it by myself.
My mother thought me never to run away from problems but I usually prefer those as I felt like packing up all of it and just dumb them aside in the attic of my own mind and never to look at them till time requires me too. However, being the shy lonely girl thought me a lot too and turned me into sometimes a person I hate to be but in order to put my points straight I had to do it.
I manage my high school life pretty good, better than I ever thought I could at least the last three years of my time there. However, entering university has never and almost till the end been easy for me. I'm left with 2 semesters to go through not including the one i'm in right now and the racism has gone from bad to worst.
My course requires you to go crazy, be outspoken and just simply confident. Confidence has never been my area of expertise and therefore led me to being isolated by others. In terms of racism you should know my course is being despised by others quite a lot than you think should, as the reasons are all wrong. You can see it in their eyes when you announce yourself as being a mass communication student, the cringe and the face they couldn't help but show is just purely annoying in my opinion. For that you get bullied if you're the only one from that course at the place you're staying.
In classes, I've realise I'm never suited for those high ends group neither have I been the only girl in a group of boys or the girls who just talks of all the latest news going around the place. Instead I stick around the quiet people and just try to fit as best as I could or maybe camouflage myself into any group. At the end of the day I am not who I am.
These are just parts of my life that I've begun to expose. Why I do these is just to seek answers to why people just push you or just rate you because of the course you're taking or just because you don't bring news or just because you're not crazy as those person. Is it so hard for you to go like hey new girl or hey you would you like to you know hang out sometimes? It's always your cliques and you and always the same people that surrouds you.
Isolation and Racism
Bitter Heart, Unspoken Words, and The Pain That Pushes
It's not easy to write nowadays. I find myself staring onto a blank piece of paper or towards the wide screen across me. Overtime, I've become good at holding myself, keeping it all to me, and pretending that everything is alright. I put on a face that people rate as snobish or reserve. Could I help it? The answer to that, is that I don't. The things that calm me are the elements that exists on earth. The beauty of the leaves on trees or as it falls, the sound of the ocean and the feel of it on my skin, the sunrise and sunset, shooting stars, the feeling of sand under my feet. It may seem pretty reckless to some, but it's the beauty god has created that makes me feel innocent and hopeful.
About a month ago, I took a road trip to the beach and I found myself indulging in the moment. Everything felt free and easy to me. Problems placed in the back of my mind and I was worry-less for awhile. 
I guess overtime life took it's toll on us and as we venture into adulthood, life will teach and shape you. It was your parent's who may have contributed to who you've become but to me, life experience has shaped me a lot to who I've become today too.
