Passing of Life, Don't Worry You Are Loved More Than You Know

Miles away from home, from where I'm suppose to be, from where my heart and soul is, and all that's left here in the lonely room in my campus is just my physical self. The word death isn't a word I like to use with the ones I love and care dearly, it seems like the word has been surrounded by darkness, sadness, and tragedy for years after being used by others for so many times describing only the worst of stories than good ones. I prefer the statement, the passing of a life, it sounds less tragic and it somehow made you believed that the people who went away, left with a smile on their face and went on peacefully.

The closest I ever came to loosing a loved ones was when my cat died of Leukaemia two years ago. I wasn't ready during that time, I definitely cried most of the time. Through that experience, it thought me to be stronger but not strong enough to foresee a member of my big family who pass away months later. However, I was not close to him, but I knew him, I've talked to him, had conversations and heard stories about him. A pleasant man, who was my grandfather's cousin who took care of my grandmother ever since my grandfather pass away. If you realise, I didn't face enough experience to overcome this situation but I'm learning. As my grandmother always said "Kita nie belajar dari kesilapan" ( we learn from our mistakes). She was true, I made a mistake with loosing my cat Pedro by crying too much. Than when my great uncle grandfather pass away, I was scared to attend the funeral and preferred to keep a watch on my grandmother while we wait for the rest.

I'm glad god put me through light practices before facing this one, which I think would be the hardest among all the experience. I shall not dwell over the sadness but tell a story of how I wish to remember her, my last image of her. My grandmother, a woman who I was scared but I find her very unique. A person who is always calm yet vent out in the most funny way when she watch WWE. Imagine, with her all her might as she sat at the lazy chair facing the television as she eat our olden days food called "sireh", a tissue on her left hand to wipe off the mouth, and a "tasbih" on her right hand as she "wirid", she would pause for awhile and start saying " haaa pukul dia, pukul, haa kena tu, ambil tu" ( hit that man, hit him, that's it, take that) at such a young age watching her, I felt fearful during that time, especially with her cane standing at the side of the chair. There was a time when she had a wheelchair as she could not walk too much when we go shopping and we would call it Opah's Rose Royce and that one evening she wanted to use it, and asked her maid "mana kereta Rose Royce Opah?" ( Where's my Rose Royce) the children including the grandchildren laugh at her cuteness. She would tell the story of our family history during the war time, and I and my cousin would sit at the side listening to her telling the story of my grandfather and our previous family history. Remembering the time we offered her so many types of food and she kept on giving excuses like she was full but when we offered her a bowl of vanilla ice-cream, she could finish the whole bowl. It's funny how she always gave me money before I go back and told my me to buy an ice-cream and when my mother heard that after looking at the money she would always say " mak duit nie boleh beli 50 ice-cream mak" (mother, with the amount of money you gave her, she could buy 50 of them) and my grandmother would say "biarlah"(let it be). My most favourite moment and memory of her will always be that swing in the porch where she would sit, whenever we come to visit her or whenever we left her to go back.

That image will have it's special place in my memory. Her story will be told to my future generations. I shall believe she would be placed among the good people and close to my grandfather. Today, I received a call at 7.49 a.m from my brother, to deliver the news. I sat quite unable to digest the news yet until my mother called a few minutes later to say the same. The phone call was short and almost like a dream. When I woke up three hours later, I realise it was time to move on.

My grandmother had pass on and her memory will be remembered. Let's all say a prayer for her in our own way, AL-FATIHAH

I would've place a picture but I heard that it is not good to display pictures of the people who had pass on.