I sat there watching people dancing and enjoying the soft music, moving slowly like trees blown softly by the wind in the evening. The garden lit up with candles and lanterns, vines and flowers crept the fence at a small reunion of two beautiful people in Deryck's life. Dress in a champagne halter neck dress with embroidery of flowers, a vintage from my late grandmother's collection embodied my body perfectly. It felt like it was sewn for me that left me thinking if she was in the exact position I was when she wore this dress, sitting in a daze at a table across the dance floor.
As people shift back and forth dancing to the rhythm of music a black shadow moved towards me pass the moving people with a smile on his face. Dark hair, tall, deep blue sparkly eyes, smartly dress in a suit stands before me offering his hand. I look up to him and my lips copied the smile that was on his. My mind contemplated but my heart urges me to take it as soon as I look into his eyes. Letting my heart take over I took his hand and we made our way to the now not so crowded dance floor.
He placed both my hand on his shoulder and place his on my back and we began moving in harmony to the rhythm of the music. It was the slow dance session, and if my memory serves me right I was pretty sure it was a song called Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen playing in the background. As he leaded the dance, I realise that I was dancing without stepping on his toes or missing a step, being a well known of a bad dancer I am. Instantaneously, I look up to him with a smile as if he understood the happiness I felt over my little achievement he kiss my head and pulled me closer to hug him. My heart shattered deep inside and my tears hangs slightly on the edge of my eyelid like a bucket filled with water waiting to spill over. Slowly I push him and took two steps back before leaving him jilted on the dance floor.
I made my past the gazebo where Deryck's father got married, past the isle, past the bridge until I finally reach a point where I was lost at a walkway with tall pillars along it covered in vines. My heart felt like it was suffocating, hurting so deep at the thought of the mistakes, the promise that was broken and my tears came running down. The vibration of my phone caught me off guard and I press reject, not in the mood to answer the same question over again from Natalie. The back of my head throb as I my mind flashes back.
"You told me Hilda was your only girlfriend, you never told me you had a fiance !" I said before I hit him on the face and left him alone at the cemetery.
My mind shifted to the time he saved me by letting the shelf hit him instead of me,
"You lied to me when you were dating Brian behind my back and that makes it equal for the two us." crouching on the floor holding his head trying to calm himself.
"She was never suppose to be your ghost, she was mine. As far as I'm concern any ghost we encounter no longer requires sharing any form of information. You're on your own." leaving me alone at a cemetery in the cold midnight.
"I never love you, I was there because my mother told me you were a new mediator in need of help. You were just somebody to fill the void when Alicia left me."
The more the memories kept flashing into my head, the more headache I get from trying to reason with myself with the situation I'm in. I tried calming myself, trying to get some air into my lungs but all I felt was as if my chest was being pressed down from a big hard iron.
"You can't hide from me forever, in the world we live in you and I are meant to come across each other" he said.
I ignored his statement and started looking into my purse, pretending not to hear a word he said. The soft wind blew and I can hear the the dried autumn leaves crisping as they scrape themselves across the hard pavement of the walkaway and scatter around.
*This is just some scenes that were playing in my head for the characters I've created about 4 to 5 years ago. The problem is I can't get the scene out of my head but I'm currently writing the beginning of the 2nd part of the story and they just declared themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend and happy as ever. Haven't got any inspiration on how the early parts should workout but these are some of the bits and pieces with a little rough grammar error and not so good construction of sentence and all but u get the rough idea in your head. Hope you enjoy :D
The Mediator : 2nd Part (Working Title)
The Times I Spend
As the rain pours outside, my mind begin to wonder on how fearless I've become over the years. The sound of the thunder used to leave me scrambling for my mother or a trusted person's touch against my skin, the lightning used to scare me thinking it might strike me at any given moment so I stayed on something that was not made of steel which meant the covers, lights was vital to me, even the dim light would not work for me, opening the window this late at night was not an option. Looking at myself now, my past would have been surprised. Sitting on a bench by the window next to my guitar listening to Erin McCarley with an open window and the pouring rain with thunder and lightning. I find myself intrigued, more or less I'm more fearless that I used to be.
My holiday was spend on reading books, constantly hiding behind them as everybody else was busy, working, classes, boyfriends, vacation and many more. I didn't realise till today that I miss just doing that. I used to be this mysterious quiet girl and that was the exact definition of myself that I'm searching for. Nobody knew me, but if someone knew me it meant they got to know me themselves before judging me straight on end. However, the type of music on my Itunes seems to be a little off, unlike the usual old stuff I used to listen to, too much oldies or too much up beat current top songs. I just had to accept that people change and I'm no exception though I remain or try to keep a part of my past of my identity that sometimes comes and goes within me.
There are days that I used to a lot of things that I don't do now. I used to live in the moment, sipping in the ambience and the feeling that empowers me everytime something caught my attention. I talk to myself less in my mind, I used to have a lonely conversations that was between me and myself and that was enough for me. It was the many ways of conversation that felt safe to me. Yet, among all the days I had times to reminisce and just sit without doing anything had made my mind question and often most I kept wondering if there were errands or assignment I needed to run, someone I needed to meet or possible something I need to submit. It felt wrong to just sit and not do anything. That was the moment I realise, I've dive into the crowd of people who never sit and always on the fast lane. I've become those impatient ones who tap their fingers, who lose their ability to just accept the situation as it is or overlook them because time didn't spare for those who wait or learn to understand.
A year ago, I had traveled by bus with a certain friend to the mall which took about an hour. I saw an old man walk into the bus, dress in an old shirt and thin up to a point you can see nothing but bones. I kept quiet but my mind tick at the thought of his family, maybe I was wrong but didn't he had any children? Did people offer help to those in his positions? Yet, that was my mind just wander into reckless thoughts. When I took up courses like this, it was meant to tell me the side people overlook the one I used to wonder that people never thought off but I was sucked into "making it" and I let it get the best of me. I've adapted people's way of writing that was thought in class and forgotten mine, I've committed myself into giving to please people not what they needed to hear or see. For that I was disappointed in myself. At the end of the day, I accepted that I'm human and prone to stumble into these situations.
