After all of the hardwork and pleading letters along with thousand of tears being shed, I finally manage to settle myself down in a room. The room is on the 3rd floor of the block next to my previous block. I gotta admit, I complained at first but the view from up here, gives me a lot to think about. I finally had some inspiration to write. Apart from that, I am happy enough that the view of my window is facing the soft serene lake.
It has only been the 4th week but I'm surprise by my determination to live day by day. Heartbroken, shattered past, undefined future and the current rumours of my being spread around isn't exactly helping. I'm not sure how, but I gotta find a way to come out. I have to stop being scared of talking to others. I must shed away this shyness or this fear of making friends with people. I am scared but, I honestly think that I would be better if I didn't fear the crowd or people so badly. I guess now that I think about it, those fear began to arise when so many had hurt me overtime. So the fear began to build itself, and I began to have a wall that surrounds me that not many are able to penetrate.
Do you think I am able to make it? Can I finish my studies and place myself on the Dean's List every semester?? Am I able to make it through the next 4 semester? Honestly I don't know, but I'll keep you updated. For now love you all and may god bless you. Have a fun day today. ^,^
Say All I Need
In So Many States
I would be writing from all my thoughts and still I don't think I said all that I would. There are so many grey parts in my life and I no longer understand where do I stand. I would write the story of my life starting University and all but it would be really funny. Things are just so confusing and so stupid in my opinion. I'm trying my best to understand people and myself and at the end of the day I find myself at verge of sanity. It seems so simple back then, but how did things got so complicated? How did relationships got so complicated with the opposite gender? How did things got so complicated to stay or be accepted in a group? How? I push people away because I don't want to get hurt. I push people away when I find that I'm being misused. All and all, things just doesn't seem to provide me with any kind of understanding with this world. Balancing everything and all. It's so hard.. really hard..
My 2011 Most Anticipated Movie.
Apart from Twilight being one of the movie that I waited for months to watch, I now have one more movie that I can't wait to watch. Therefore, I want to share this with you, hoping you would like it. It's called Beastly base on a novel by Alex Flinn. It is actually a modernise movie of Beauty and the Beast. Enjoy watching the trailer.
Tonight
The cold breeze tonight brings back old memories to my mind. However, it remains to be just a memory and nothing more than that. There's a reason why they turn into memories because, it's something that should never be repeated and to be remembered because it was all in the past. The reflection of the light against the lake brings some sadness into my heart because I wish I could experience them once more, but everything is gone, the feelings are long gone. Banished into the deep heart of mine and never will I open that door again. Especially not for the people who have hurt me the most in the past.
It's amazing how things change so fast. Just a few months ago, I was here as the girl who was venturing and learning the new world. Somehow, I never knew that things was going to end up this way, hence I choose to find a way to understand myself first before others. While others whisper behind my back, I will sit still in my seat and find other things to do. While they talk among themselves isolating me in the room, I will find a way to survive on my own. It is like living on my own again. Like the time I took one whole week just to find myself. This is almost the same way but I'm surviving, so far. ^,^.
No Stars
Overall, I ran away today, my idea of spending the evening with myself just reading a book by the lake was wiped away when I accidently overslept. I didn't really want to hang around people because I was scared of all the drama repeating themselves again. I'm not sure whether I'm ready to face all the drama again. Plus I've been avoiding the guy I used to have a crush on now quite a lot. I no longer care much about him.
However, something interesting had happen tonight, the place I'm staying for awhile is experiencing some black out tonight and everybody seems to be having so much fun with. ^,^ It's so funny to see them. My friends are all making fun and jokes with the situation. Than again I wonder how long would we be in this situation. My friend seems to feel quite sad with the situation we're facing. I on the other hand find it quite funny. I feel like I want to write more but somehow the inspiration just flew away when I finally had the time face my laptop.
For now, I'm going off.
New Year, New Me, but I'm Not Sure If It's Right.
I apologise for not updating my blog on new year. I wish I could but I was too busy with my college and getting everything ready that I didn't even celebrate new year. This year's new year was sad but maybe it could've gone worst. I was busy packing and trying to resolve everything that I overlook the hours that pass by that night. When I finally finished packing my bag, I realise that it was already three o'clock in the morning. So, I did something to make myself feel good, I read the manga my cousin had lend to me. I spend an hour reading the whole manga and than went to bed.
Today, 2 days after new year, I started my class for second semester. I was quiet as always and nobody really did acknowledge me. I tried joining a group but I guess things never change because I soon felt like I was left alone again in a group that seemed so happy with their own crowd. I on the other hand, sat at the corner of the room entertaining myself alone. Kindda sad but I'm amaze that I wasn't trying so hard as to be accepted. Hence, I am back to square one. I'm going off now to enjoy my evening alone reading a book by the lake. Happy New Year and may you have a great 2011 !!!
