Tired Of Trying

As for this moment I have lost hope, to every single good thing that exist in this world. The word friend doesn't exist, love is far from where it stands and at the end of the day I am who I am and I'm tired of trying. Things has been going good at home, more better than I ever thought would be. Yet, there is this part of me who didn't want to accept it. I fear for the worst to come. It might be going on so well now, but how sure can I be that it will go on so good in the future. How sure can I be that I won't get hurt again by others. At this rate, and at this point, I've been hurt so many times that I don't want to be close to anybody, not being close to anybody means not letting myself be hurt by others. Hence, I don't know what to believe. I stop believing, stop having hope, but having a dream is the only thing that keeps me going. Is it enough for me to get there? Will I just tear myself down in the next few weeks? God knows.
People may recognise me as a true friend and all, but not many will I say the same thing. They don't prove to be a good friend, they are just an acquaintance that is there now and gone the instant you need them. The word sacrifice for friends doesn't exist in their principles of friend. They are just merely there to make use of you, your kindness and when they are done, they talk behind you or just leave you alone. It hurts because I've been going through this for years and I'm tired. I'm tired of being make used of. I ask for simple things and instead, they make up excuses on how they can't help me. It's always the same and even the ones I believe who are close to me does the same. I get hurt numerous times but I chose to ignore it, I don't go back down the history and remind them of all the things I've done. I did it out of kindness because I believe that I will get them in return. Yet, I'm even starting to believe that karma doesn't exist for the goods but exist only for the bad things you've done.