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Diary of Thoughts and Hearts
It's amazing at times when you go through the pages of your diary and you see written words written across every page. It's like a story book of life and as you go further, you will find empty pages. Those are the pages that are left to fill the unknown future. That diary will become the story of your life where you are the leading character, even when someone see them, and read them, it will be a beautifully written story book because it's real. There are no lies but filled with pure honesty. Beginning when you first see life as life really is.
How many years would it take for us to just breathe in and realise how far we've come. How did things move around without us realising the changes in our life. Would you take a moment and look at your past, that girl who comes back to you every now and than that you've forgotten. Would you tell her your present and would you stop her from her mistakes? I look out my dusty window towards the lake that brought me down memory lane. I look back and there was a tug in my heart. I close my eyes and I remember the sound of the squeaking door on the third floor of my school. The school bell rang although there were no pupils around. I touched the creaked door and saw myself sitting there wearing a pinafore. It was my imagination but it brought me closer to myself that I felt I've lost for quite sometime.
Would you ask yourself, where you are now? Are you scared? I do that every now and than and most of the time it's always yes, yes I am scared. The burden as the passing season is scary. Loosing myself, that way of writing and thinking scared me. Hence every now and than, I pick up a pen and a book and just write although I never knew where I'm going. It's like driving without a destination. As if the world spinning can be felt at every moment when you write everything out. It has it's beauty but the fear is something unbearable at times. You begin to realise who you care and who you see when you close your eyes. It doesn't make sense but when you take a while and just clear your head and slowly go back through time maybe you would understand.
Is It Just Written Words and Lies of Actions.
It feels like I'm strangling myself standing above this ground. I feel lost, like I no longer know who I really am. I'm struggling to find the support, trust and confidence in my heart. Yet things seemed different, I'm aware of the loneliness I feel inside but it's getting hard to overcome that fact. I need answers and confidence that I used to have.
I'm A Girl At Heart and a Leo
I'm so in love with her clothing line seriously. I've been watching her line and I'm wondering where can I get it in my county. Here's a video of Selena Gomez's clothing line Dream Out Loud.
Family
Family is the greatest gift a person could ever receive. They are there through good and bad times. I began to realise that through time and I'm glad that although at times I overlook this fact, god somehow showed me the way back. Whenever I cry, the only person who picks up the call is my mother, the only person who cooks for me when I'm hungry is my father, the only person who thought of me when they look at somethings is my sis, and the only person who will protect me is my brother. The only people who accepts me whining or crying or crazy, or disable, or being a maniac or a total wreck is my family. Nobody else would except this flaws that I have except them. I feel so bless to have this family and I wouldn't trade them for anything. Through fights that we have I begun to realise the love we have for each other was unique in their own way.
My mother has become the greatest inspiration in life. Through hard times she stood there strong, trying to live life when deep inside she just wants things to end so easily. I remember looking at her, searching for her, and not my mother at first. I couldn't. That was then, through time that passes by I began to saw her. I saw a part of me in her that surprises me. I realise that her passion for arts was where I got mine from although she was never able to pursue it. I realise that she can do something if she puts her heart into it like I did. For example, the time she knit or sew those table runners. She is independent in her silent way. When she actually move on her own the things around the house. I realise that sometimes she is sometimes surprise with her own actions herself. She's a great joker and cute at times. She often emotional blackmail her children that make her children smiles at times when she remembers them. She's a kid at heart who enjoys simple things in life but mature in times that we don't expect. She's my mother and I wouldn't know where I'll be without her by my side. Her voice was enough to make me smile, laugh, cry, or loved. That's my mother, artistic, creative, mature, hard-headed, loving, shy, full of wisdom, determine, funny, cute, independent, and so many more. I love you my mother.
A Rainbow That Made Me Happy
I'm a little odd, I can feel so happy just watching the rainbow or shooting stars. But I'm glad this are the little blissful things in life that exist for free. This picture was taken yesterday after I finished my last class for the day. It's like a secret that god gives me to make me smile for the day. I was so psyched that I actually took lotsa picture. Yeah, I'm trying to be optimistic but hell what you only live once and I'm seeking my old self back. So what the heaven !! :D
Searching For Someone You Once Knew So Well
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that fights will lead to something better at times. I believe that once you've overcome something you'll see the difference, and I believe that through time, my life here has changes for so many things. I can't deny that some are bad and some are good. Now when I sit here, I began to realise that I change myself to fit the perfect package of others but not mine. Who I am, or what is left has been screaming to stop myself. Those confidence that I carry around seems to disappear bit by bit and I regret letting them do so. All this while all my thoughts were to be accepted that I had forgotten the people who truly accepted me.
During the days in high school, I wasn't being accepted nor was I being liked with rumors about me going around. At the end of the day, I stood up, I place a smile that I began to believe in more and more each day and I never really told them the truth. They all found out about me by themselves. Some even told me that I was the total opposite of people has been saying. Yet, why do I try here? Is it because, I'm in a new environment or maybe have I lost who I am in searching to handle my in the outside world. The outside world with no comfort zone, nobody to hang on, and nobody to trust. I can't deny that I'm not sure of who should I trust or shouldn't trust. No matter what? God has been the one person I talk, cry, praise, or tell the most stupidest thing that some of my friends won't accept. God is the only person that wouldn't judge me and I am free to tell everything and pray to every single time I needed help.
Today, I am pulling my old true self from the past. Not be that serious girl I've turned to be since I entered university. I will smile and laugh. I will tell others that I'm fine just being who I am. Yet, I will listen. Nobody is perfect but I believe, your imperfections is what makes you perfect.
That's all for now, make sure to check out for future updates of my life in a new phase.. hey I'm just in my second semester ;P Love you all !!!
