I Wish You Wouldn't Hide.

From where I am writing right now, it's dificult to position myself. Torn between feelings and the weather outside. Not very few minutes ago, the weather was deciding itself weather to rain on this small town or not. Finally they came to an agreement to wet the dry earth. I'm sitting on my bed as I'm writing this and I thought about the conversations I've had. Dwelling on things I shouldn't be and thinking about the future that I will be in. Many secrets have been hidden from me but somehow god showed them to me. I wondery why? This is because when I find out about them, the pain slashes through my heart like the pain from the previous scar wasn't enough.
This are the rare times I let myself release my emotions on my blog. Most of the times I'll be writing them in my diary. It felt safe writing in my diary, nobody sees them or read them unless they found them.. Though some find them very offensive or depressing. It's my own thoughts and opinions I write on my blog, I didn't mean to affect you. It's just my way of telling the world that I still survive despite the rainstorm and the thunders in my life. There are still light and birds chirping ones in a blue moon. I have said it many times, there's sugar and spice in life and maybe right now I get more spice but maybe in the future I'll get more sugar to balance the dish. I know, I don't make sense only in my world it makes sense but I'm glad for whoever I am even though it seems like I'm complicated.
Than there is this fool part of me that kept giving people second, third, fourth chances. I'm pretty sure I'm over it and I know I look and sound like I'm stupid for saying this. I don't like fighting among my friends or the person I'm in love with or have a crush on. So even after he had make use of me, call me when he needed me, and ignore me when he is with his friends, I still wait at the side of the road till he needs me. It seemed unfair and many have called me names for still letting myself open to him. Yet it felt like a stupid thing for me to even to not acknowledge him at all. It's like that song that I keep on replaying it ones but I can't remember the name of the song. People kept telling me I'm stupid, too easy, too blind and many other things even after he has done so many wrong things to me, but I still think that maybe someday he'll see them or maybe when I move on to somebody else it won't hurt anymore and still I didn't lose my friend. So that's what my thought was.
Now, I see darkness outside my window. It's Twilight, and little drops of rain can be seen on my window from the rain just now though the rain has stopped long ago. I wonder whether there will be dawn for me. Will I see the light shinning on me in the future and that is what I have to go through in life. The street lights are on but I can't see the cars that are moving.
The sky is grey and it's glowing dimly. Will I see this in the future. Will I'll be writing at this time of the day in the future in the exact same place and remember back where I was and the obstacles I've overcome. Will I? Nobody knows.. But I'll climb the ladders and stand on that pedestal. I'll prove it that I can make it through and no matter how many times you bring me down I'll rise through. Even in the middle of the ocean, high up in the clouds, lost in the forrest or just standing by the sea and looking at the sunset I'll allways remember this feeling I love. This feeling where my muse is consolling me. Where he or she reminds me that you'll get through it someday and express yourself in the best way of how you feel. Just to let you know, as I'm writting the last few sentence I smile alone on my bed facing my window and looking at the darkness began to grew outside, soon nothing could be seen, that's when I wait for daylight.

p/s: I was listening to Trading Yesterday - Shattered as I'm writting this post. Too bad the band broke up. I would've bought their album. Thanks to them I manage gain my inspiration back. They never fail me.