I Need Clarity

When I entered university life, I thought things would be different. I thought I wouldn't make the same mistakes as I did before. Yet, as my mother always say, " We plan the things, but god decides" . If I were to follow my own heart to do things with an angry heart. I would march in front of this guy who hurt me, took my pride, and left me with an open wound and smack him on the face. I believe no girl should be played in a game of cat and mouse where the mouse was stupid enough to surrender without a fight.

I've heard of the phrase " There is a first in everything.", Today, would be the first time I broke my fast alone in my room, only to find myself drowning in this solitude that surrounds me. However, I didn't cry nor did I went and knock on my friends door hoping to be accepted or join them. Instead, I enjoy this time to find clarity. It was tough, since I've been surrounded by my friends most of the time I was here. I didn't have time to focus on myself, on what I want and on the real me that I was chasing. As I was surfing the net to kill my time, I stumble upon my cousin's recent post titled "Paper Boats of Emotions" . The post gave me a new idea on how to put my feelings out.

I often find myself writing lyrics to vent out what I feel. I'll grab my guitar and I will try to let go of all my emotions through paper and pen and through strumming my guitar. However, I left my guitar at home, because it was my treasure and I didn't want to risk anything happening to it. Hence, when I'm here, I find it hard to express myself. I needed to let go of something, I needed to see something that gives me something to believe in. Unlike my roommates, I do enjoy spending time gazing at the stars at night. Just recently, as I lie on that dirty badminton court, I saw a shooting a star. Within a split second it was gone. I often call it "A Second of Miracle.". When I told my friend, she told me to make a wish. Although we knew it was a stupid thing but yet it gives us hope that there might be chances of it coming true. Yet, my wish never came true, and till this day, I never did figure out the ways of me letting go of my emotions.