Because I'm a Girl

Have you ever heard of the song called Because I'm a Girl sang by a Korean group called KISS. Today, and almost for 3 days, I've spend thinking about the mistakes I've done. The stupidity that overpowered me to made the mistakes that I've begun to regret more and more, day by day.
There was a boy who broke my heart into small pieces. Though there was a promise made to remain friends, I find myself in pain of accepting the fact that I've humiliated myself. I didn't think of the hurt he rejected me but the hurt that I was fooled. I was betrayed and fooled by this boy who pretend he cared so much. To show my stand, pride and ego, I refuse to text him for two days. I was building my confidence and my revenge slowly only to shatter them back down again for reasons that only god knows.
The incident happen on a Friday night where I profess my heart to this boy as my friend pushed me to the limit to do so. Although unsure of my real feelings, but to be put in a place where he kept on harassing my friend and so my friend kept on harassing me, I thought you gotta try it at least once in a lifetime. So after delaying them for about a day, I finally said them in a text not saying I was head over heels but telling him that I felt something, sometimes when we're together. Although in subtle way his respond made me feel like I was desperate for a relationship. Honestly, I was not, I was enjoying being in that situation, I was still feel to roam around to see others and fall in love with others. Considering that I rush into things that night, our conversation didn't ended so well besides making a promise that we shall remain close friends as we used to and that the thing we said never happen.
Two days went by, and I hadn't bothered to text him or called him. I was determine to hold the wall up surrounding my heart. That was until my friend texted me around eight in the morning on Monday. I was about to curse him considering that he has bothered my sleep numerous time before that. As I opened the text message, my hand shiver, I couldn't feel my feet and my heart was pumping faster as if I was running. I was about to ignore the text message but read them again and as a friend I shouldn't be doing this to him. So I woke up instantly, waking up my friend along to accompany me to the clinic.
Halfway there, I thought to myself. That this is stupid. He deserved this . He didn't deserve my caring treatment towards him. Yet my cold and stone heart melt it's way as I realise I was getting closer to the destination. When we arrived there, our hopes were shattered yet maybe it was god's message that I was allowed to see him as I was a girl friend and not a boy friend. I was happy in some sort of way that I couldn't see him. Plus, I believe that it's a message from god. So I texted him, informing that I was at the waiting area but I couldn't see him because I was girl friend. When he didn't replied, I knew he was unconscious and egoistic.
Both our message was egoistic. Neither of us wanted to step down. Yet as many have known me, my heart withers easily. Sometimes I get over things so easily that it surprise me that I can put things behind and pretended as if it never happen. So after a few message, I told him if it was okay for me to call. His replied was yes. So I called him, hoping to entertain my friend that might die of boredom instead of his sickness there. Considering that I've lived in the hospital for one week and a half and it was the worst place for you to kill time. Most of the stories involve me telling him stories that might make him laugh, or asking him what he ate, what he happen, the result and etc ? I was worried as a friend. The same worry I had when my friend's little bro was admitted into the hospital and I was there to visit my grandmother. She was dying of boredom, so I went down to check on her and her lil brother.
Whatever I'm trying to say is that, because I'm a girl, is actually the reason I acted those ways. I get angry, I cry, I curse but I couldn't stand doing so for so long. Many people made use of me, friends, boys, and etc. Yet I never really learn from them. Instead I believe that god will repay me in ways that I don't expect. Since I told you I relate to this song a lot ! I will be posting the english version of the lyrics here, for you to get a clearer picture. Whatever I wish I can say to him is whatever that is written on this song.

Kiss - Because I'm a Girl ( English Version )


I just can't understand the ways,
of all the mans and all their mistakes,
you give them all your love,
and then they rip it all away,
you told me how much you love me,
and how our love is meant to be,
and I believe in you,
I thought that you would set me free,

YOu should've just told me the truth,
That I wasn't the girl for you,
Still I didn't have the clue,
So my heart depended on you,
Though I say I hate you now,
Though I shout and curse you out,
I always have love for you,
Because I am a girl,

You told the man will leave you gone,
get sick of you and run,
i know that it's no right,
I give my all still i just cry,
never again will i be fool,
to give my all when nothings true,
I won't be played again,
but i will fall in love again,

you should've told me the truth,
that i wasn't the girl for you,
still i didn't have the clue,
so my heart depended on you,
though I say i hate you now,
though i shout and curse you out,
I always have love for you,
because i am a girl,

I love you so,
now you leave me in the cold,
I burn this way ,
I thought that you only love me,
Into the night,
I will pray that you're alright,
You hurt me so ,
I just can't let you go,

YOu took advantage of my willingness,
to do anything for love,
now i'm the only one in pain,
would you please take it all away,

never thought born being a girl,
how I can love you and be burn,
now I will build the wall,
to never get torn again,
I thought I say I hate you now,
Though I shout and curse you out,
I always have love for you because i AM A GIRL,

This is you'll soon know signing out at 3.16 a.m. Thanks for reading Love ya'll.