"When you came to me with eyes in need and a shoulder to cry on. I was glad I was there though I know your heart belongs to someone else. Awhile ago I had moved on, not fully but mostly. I was still glad to be your friend and that was enough if I think maturely. However it seems you didn't grow up, and you didn't learn from your last mistakes. All the things you hid from me was all lies that are now floating on the surface where I can see and you don't know it. I hid the pain and pretended nothing was wrong because I have no right. Yet, I plead to you not to treat me the same way you used to. Take me as your friend and don't do more than that. Admit it to me that you belong to someone else, it might break my heart but it makes it easier for me. Stop telling me of your solo sad stories and the same old reasons why you won't move on. You did pretty well in your acting. Three girls all in one time, only one to be the official one. I'm sorry to tell you I won't be that girl. Stop giving me hope because I don't need them. I'm not hoping but I want you to learn from your mistakes. Maybe someday, maybe not from me, or maybe from some other girls that you've trick, when you see them with another man, don't look and hope that it was you. All this time you had your chances and you screw one by one of the chances. I'll give you a round of applause, and take a bow at your beautiful performance. You did excellent in all of them. You should know something before hand when you do that, it comes back to you someday in one way or the other. So I will smile and tell you what you need and at the end of the day it's up to you to choose. Thank you for letting me find out from others apart from you the truth you hid and the lies you tell me. I hope the other girls knows your sick plan. Plus I don't want to be around with someone who are not proud to admit who his girlfriends are in front of their friends. It seems god answered my prayers and protected me. Good luck."
I had this in my head through out the day and so I thought I should just write them down.. lol.. this characters are playing so well..
The Lies You Drown Are Now Floating On The Surface.
Am I Still Standing Here Because of Sympathy
I knew I loved you once, with all my heart. As season change and as you put a scar across my heart I began to move on slowly and painfully. Though we remain friends, the situation makes it harder. Whenever we meet I restrict myself from sitting beside you, and avoid eye contact. When you seek me because you felt comfortable, I felt the need to be there. The reasons used to be because I cared and because I was in love with you. That was until you hurt me a few days ago and I began to numb my feelings for you. When I see you I knew that part of my heart still loved you but another reason is because I think I'm here because I felt sympathy. I feel the need to be there for you because you needed someone to be there. When you asked me where I am and when you asked if I wanted to accompany you to eat? It felt wrong to decline the invitation because I didn't want to hurt you, make you sad or stress you. This sickness that you have requires you to control your emotions and I can't be there when you are stress or depress. I have to lead my life and I have to move on and I can't be there because being there for now means giving you a chance to think that I might just fall back into the same history. I'm giving you a chance to chase your girl because I know I'm not. In return I'm hoping that you would let me do the same. Let me move, let me take a chance with someone else, and you can lead your life with the girl you had loved for years.
Slowly I'm letting go and today I realise that I can be strong. I won't take back all my things just yet by I will soon, when I know you're ready, and when I'm ready. Thanks for the memories and making me realise that I shouldn't fall for any guys like you anymore.
A Girl With A Broken Heart
Letting go of your heart to love someone is like gambling it for auction and selling it to the devil. A girl I knew very well got her heart broken so badly this time that she began to wonder what actually is her feelings. Was it love, angry, revenge, jealousy or just plain foolish. At the end of it she sums it up into feeling a feeling called numb. A pure feeling of numbness that she cry and laugh random times of the day.
When she first started off with this guy, she was so sure of the stars and earth. She told herself that she wouldn't fall for this young man who was just going to end up hurting her like the guys in the past. However the heart always choose to be a fool. She began spending too much time with the young man. While he was trying to mend his broken heart she became the cure and tool to do it. He treated her with full affection that everybody around them mistook their relationship for something more while all the time they were good friends.
As long as she told herself that this was just another heart making a fool decision because she was lonely, she was holding it up well. At least until one day when she was running after her friend, he called her name. She turned her head to face him. He told her not to run because if she ran she would fall. All she manage to do was make up faces and laugh at him and didn't realise that he would just smile and shook his head. That's when everything she was holding up fell into the wrong places. The feeling was there and for days she remain denying them in her heart. She started forcing herself to stop any contact with him but her heart won her over most of the time.
When she finally admits that she had feelings for him, the world came crushing down and took her along. She didn't even get to enjoy the moment when she realise that everything he had done was pure lies and fake actions. The thoughts and memories of him kills her as she replay the memory. Her tears came crumbling down as she collapse herself on the bed. The memories she kept playing in her head that used to give her hope and brought smiles to her face now brings tears and pierce her heart as if every one of it was a sharp knife stabbing her. The time he had given her the jacket when she was cold, when he placed her preferable drink in front of her, when he bought her the card holder because her's was ruined, when he pull her chair closer to him, when they spend hours talking, when he wore her gift and the "special" thing, when he held her cold feet just to warm it up, when he touched her face, when he place the place his cap on her, when he fed her the cheesecake, and so many more memories. Every memory kills her worst than what she had experience.
She later on found out the lies he told her. He was not truly honest in his words and that she was just a tool. He had told her that he would not be with another person till he seeks something in life that he was searching for. That was a few days ago and now his in a relationship with another girl which he had never talk about with her. She felt stupid in her own world of hope and she swore to never believe man's words.
Where do you find them?
When you feel lost in the world, where do you find the answers? Sometimes we wonder where the answer lies in or who holds them? Yet we fail to recognize the answers in the mistakes that we've made in the past. In a silent room that was filled with laughter and conversations, it is now silent with questions that lingers around unanswered. Some once asked me, "where do you find yourself when you've lost it?". I told them that I don't always find the answers. Instead, I found recognition behind the fine lines and mistakes in life. I would seek the old me and I would think that I did pretty well. I would go through my old lyrics, my forgotten posts, and my old diary entries. It is than I realize that I could go far, regardless of the obstacles.
Sometimes I find answers in the eyes of my loved once, in my hometown that I didn't knew I loved, and sometimes in the eyes of random strangers. Have you ever realize it before?
When I Love You, I Didn't Know if It Was True
If only things was different, if only you can take back the things you've done in the past. Would you? Would I? Would them? Would they? Would us? I can only answer the questions myself. Sometimes I do wish that it is best that we could turn back time and take back all the wrongs that I've done, yet sometimes, if no mistakes was made, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this. I wouldn't be the same person I am this second. George Bernard Shaw once said " There are two tragedies in life, one is to loose your heart's desire and the other is to gain it." and I would say he is true. The heart's desire kills you most of the time. It places you in places that you would like to run away from. If you are reading this it's up to you. I can only say, I love you but I'm not sure anymore...
-something I tremble overnight. NO BIGGIE LOL-
Sometimes I Wonder If It Was A Dream...
It started off so great that I didn't think it would end.
Every action you take,
every word you choose seemed so harsh yet sometimes it was sweet.
As I stood here waiting for the answer,
I stare at my finger.
The one and only that is wearing a ring,
for reasons that only god knows.
While you wear the half, I wear the other half.
Yet we seemed distance since the incident.
However, tell me why do you still wear it on your finger when I came to visit you.
As I stood before you pretending nothing happen days ago between us.
You wore it with no sense of guilty yet proud to show it before everybody.
What is it that is going on between us,
would you please tell me. I'm confuse in my conclusions.
Am I playing this game only in my head?
Is this a dream I'm playing in my mind
or is it a game that we're playing right before our eyes.
So many reasons for me to ask these questions,
I'm not gonna stand here forever,
I may pretend but deep inside you stir the emotions that might strike the thunder.
Now you text her behind me,
didn't think the truth would surface,
Didn't think I would find out,
Stupid of me to let your picture stand there,
but you placed mine in the same place in yours,
believed in something when you touch me,
wasn't there something that you felt,
when you look in my eyes,
did you see a stupid girl who was falling in your trap,
I can't play this game forever,
one day I'll call it game over,
I may lose it but as long as it makes you happy,
since winning is your thing,
to egoistic to admit anything even being in the wrong,
manipulate the situation,
take advantage of my action,
so I'll leave it without a heavy heart,
wearing a smile because I knew you were never gonna be the one..
I wouldn't wonder anymore if it was a dream.
p/s: Very much raw.. but I guess it's good enough lol..
