Distance..

In this moment, I expected something big to happen. I don't mean a big thing to happen , I mean something more meaningful, something that can tell me something and prove to me that life is worth living for. As days past by, I began to feel the distance on the reason I find life is worth living for. When I sit near the people close to me, I feel the barrier and the wall that is formed emotionally. I don't know where I stand in their hearts and minds. Everytime I look, there's always this feeling that is telling me that they are sick of me or they find me intimidating. If that's the case, I would rather stay away from family affairs and the problems that circulate secretly amoung them. I began to feel the secrets I hold is a burden and the misunderstandings just complicates my life more. It's better to live alone, because the problems that surround you can be solve only by you alone. I can't talk of my problems with people, I can't have fun with people and I can't seem to be myself with people.

When she tells me that "we all use our own money to pay", I understood the meaning behind it. You don't need to tell me because I know myself. You could have leave that little insignificant detail out.I'm not working, I don't have a career, and the path I'm choosing in a career is something that rarely happens and it's crazy. I know you try to isolate me, but everytime I tell it to some close people they seem to think that I was too sensitive or "well she's gotta point. maybe so.". I guees that's why I feel much more at ease around my friends, friends that is worth being around sometimes. Though the group is so small and limited, there are times I feel like I don't belong. I walk amoung strangers, some would say "hey you !" and I would look at that person, I would greet her but theres a part of me that makes me feel like I'm not here. I don't know who I am and where I belong.

It's been going on for a long time and I myself have reach the edge of the point and the line that divides between sanity and insanity, good and bad, loyalty and betrayal.If there was a wish that god would grant me, I would ask "What am I doing here ?".